I swear I didn't mean for it to feel like this

To fair warn you all, this post is going to be very random.  I have a lot to get off my chest, and dang it, by the end of it, you will all have taken a glimpse into the complex mind of Molbuns.

I think the biggest thing on my mind lately is college in general.  It's sending me on this wild roller coaster of emotions.  One thing I know for sure is I am repeating my life over again.  And I hate it.  I can't find the reverse button, I don't know how to pull myself out of this .. pile of poop.  I just want things to fall into place, and not feel like crap as life is slowly working its magic.  Too much to ask for?  Thought so.

You know what else sucks?  Losing friends/being replaced.  I think that is the absolute WORST feeling in the whole world.  Being replaced.  I have these two friends - whom I shall refer to as Asshole and Penishole.  And in less than a year they both have slipped through my fingers and left me.  Alone.  Then, worst of all, they replaced me in their lives.  Which SUCKS.  I sit on my stalker site, yes - I am a facebook stalker, and watch as their new lives unfold and wonder what was so wrong with me that they decided they didn't want to be a part of my life anymore.  I'd love to think "OH WELL.  THEIR LOSS."  .. but for some reason, I just can't.


I miss Connor.
As cliche as this sounds, the kid is like a brother to me.  If I am having a problem, I can text CLM, and I know he will be right there, with his bestie advice.  He's like my soul mate.  But not in a creepy "LET'S GET MARRIED!" way.  But in a "our souls connect" kind of way.  I sure hope he feels the same, or this would be awkward.  I apologize, kid.  I'll buy you a pony and send it to you.  It'll probably go through the postal service, they didn't seem to have a problem with our leaves.....


I think I am going to pick up guitar again.  Just to .. just to play.  Not for anyone, not for anything, just for me, just to play.  I'm going to conquer "I'll Follow You Into The Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie, because those darn bar chords are what got me to stop, and I WILL DEFEAT THEM.

I miss working out.  That used to be my life in high school, pumping iron.  Now I'm just a lazy slob.  Yeah, I don't have much to say about that.  Just that I miss it.

I'm ready to meet the man of my dreams now.  I don't want to do any work, I just want him to fall into my life.  Like on the Sims.  Call the matchmaker, pay 5,000 simloans, and your soulmate falls out of the sky.  If only it was that easy.  I just need some testosterone in my life again, dang it.  Some man stank, and man jokes, and man laughs, and man .. stuff.  Man.

If only guys understood how much personalities are the key to .. everything.  If you have a big head, it's such a turn off. - ... I AM NOT INTERESTED, PENISHOLE.  GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD.  I JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS.  IT'S POSSIBLE.  JUST GET OVER YOURSELF.  YOU ARE NOT AS FANTASTIC AS YOU THINK.  WE ARE FRIENDS, DANG IT.  I'M ALLOWED TO SAY THAT.  Now let's go joke about how messed up everyone on TLC is over ice cream and not think twice about it.

I wish I could go fake skydiving.  Connor, that sounded amazing.  I am quite jealous.

I wish my sister and this boy named Ethan would date.  They are so cute together.  I just want her to be happy with a GOOD guy.  There are so many creeps out there.  And I swear, if one boy hurts her, I'll kill 'em.  I will.

Boys boys boys...