If someone could (and really, someone should) write a slash fiction account of my life right now, you would probably want to read it. Walk into yoga, BAM, orgy. Five minutes into literature class, WAT are Tom and Allen doing in the back room!? It's six in the morning, my roommate's asleep, but I'll be his alarm today. Office hours with the chemistry student teachers, you know we're practicing our sexual chemistry.
Unfortunately this life is a fictional parody (fanfiction? maybe rather stalkerfiction?), so somewhere in the back of my head it's playing out, probably to be reenacted in my dreams sometime from now until forever, because I'm a male college student, so half of my life is spent mentally preparing for any situation to evolve into an orgy or zombie apocalypse (coincidentally also the two best motivations for spending more time on the treadmill)...(yes, orgy apocalypse.).
i.e.:
A chef at Sama Tower catches the Zombie on his way to work. By 7am the entire cafeteria staff is infected, with several zombie casualties, because, well, they're surrounded by fucking paring knives and other assorted cutlery; someone's gotta be sensible enough to fight back, but the zombies prevail by sheer, undead biomass anyway. I finish my shower and head to the ground floor for breakfast, and because on a typical morning I'm the first student there even, I get ambushed before anyone has sounded (or Nicki Minaj has pounded) the alarm. Well of course I've been thinking about this moment for my entire life, so I'm not TOTALLY surprised when my favorite Filipino register operator lunges over the counter baring her normally-smiling fangs. So I quickly step back and throw my croissant at her and bolt out the door. However, only now do I notice that the security retinue at the front desk are not looking their usual, sullen selves any more, but are really feasting on one another and also noticing my panicky self as I dash toward the elevators. Actually taking the elevator would be suicide, and immensely stupid anyway even if I made it because I'd just be trapped in a 45-story building crawling with zombies and social science majors. Damn. But also there's no point going outside. I'd just die in half the time because it's the desert, and deserts were designed by Xenu to kill anyone who tries to live in them. Long story short, I make it onto the roof somehow and the Sama Tower helipad (yes, that actually exists) and John Sexton is waiting with a rope ladder hanging from his undead-proof hot air balloon (probably exists) and we fly off into the sunrise.
End.
i.e.2.:
But seriously I think all of this talk about orgy apocalypses (henceforth referred to as "boring study time" because I'm tired of people looking over my shoulder and asking me what an orgy apocalypse is) has got to my head, because last night I did, in fact, have a dream on a related note. It wasn't exactly boring study time, but I was at a party...and this guy called Nino kept flirting with me and putting his arms around me, and I felt happy, like a kind of happy I've never felt before. So happy that I woke up before the dream could get more interesting even, and then I almost wanted to stay awake forever and let that happiness burn me until I melted into the floor. And when I fell asleep again I was back with Nino except he had stopped flirting, like he was expecting me to return his affection, only I couldn't, no matter how much I tried to get near him it felt impossible to touch him, and I could see that he was upset and losing interest. And then he left.
I'm going to go find Nino.
Unfortunately this life is a fictional parody (fanfiction? maybe rather stalkerfiction?), so somewhere in the back of my head it's playing out, probably to be reenacted in my dreams sometime from now until forever, because I'm a male college student, so half of my life is spent mentally preparing for any situation to evolve into an orgy or zombie apocalypse (coincidentally also the two best motivations for spending more time on the treadmill)...(yes, orgy apocalypse.).
i.e.:
A chef at Sama Tower catches the Zombie on his way to work. By 7am the entire cafeteria staff is infected, with several zombie casualties, because, well, they're surrounded by fucking paring knives and other assorted cutlery; someone's gotta be sensible enough to fight back, but the zombies prevail by sheer, undead biomass anyway. I finish my shower and head to the ground floor for breakfast, and because on a typical morning I'm the first student there even, I get ambushed before anyone has sounded (or Nicki Minaj has pounded) the alarm. Well of course I've been thinking about this moment for my entire life, so I'm not TOTALLY surprised when my favorite Filipino register operator lunges over the counter baring her normally-smiling fangs. So I quickly step back and throw my croissant at her and bolt out the door. However, only now do I notice that the security retinue at the front desk are not looking their usual, sullen selves any more, but are really feasting on one another and also noticing my panicky self as I dash toward the elevators. Actually taking the elevator would be suicide, and immensely stupid anyway even if I made it because I'd just be trapped in a 45-story building crawling with zombies and social science majors. Damn. But also there's no point going outside. I'd just die in half the time because it's the desert, and deserts were designed by Xenu to kill anyone who tries to live in them. Long story short, I make it onto the roof somehow and the Sama Tower helipad (yes, that actually exists) and John Sexton is waiting with a rope ladder hanging from his undead-proof hot air balloon (probably exists) and we fly off into the sunrise.
End.
i.e.2.:
But seriously I think all of this talk about orgy apocalypses (henceforth referred to as "boring study time" because I'm tired of people looking over my shoulder and asking me what an orgy apocalypse is) has got to my head, because last night I did, in fact, have a dream on a related note. It wasn't exactly boring study time, but I was at a party...and this guy called Nino kept flirting with me and putting his arms around me, and I felt happy, like a kind of happy I've never felt before. So happy that I woke up before the dream could get more interesting even, and then I almost wanted to stay awake forever and let that happiness burn me until I melted into the floor. And when I fell asleep again I was back with Nino except he had stopped flirting, like he was expecting me to return his affection, only I couldn't, no matter how much I tried to get near him it felt impossible to touch him, and I could see that he was upset and losing interest. And then he left.
I'm going to go find Nino.
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